Friday, May 29, 2009

Jon • Eddard

A new recruit suddenly appears in the practice yard. Everyone stops to stare because he's fat and rich. Samwell Tarly is also weak, cowardly, and insecure. His lord father disowned him for being such a huge wuss, and gave him a choice between taking the black and having a hunting accident. Randyll Tarly then calmly ripped the still bleeding heart out of a freshly killed deer. I take back everything I said about Southerners -- sometimes, they can be just as hardcore as the Starks.

Unsurprisingly, Fat Sam sucks at sword fighting. Ser Alliser sees an opportunity to indulge his sexual deviancy and has Halder spank Sam with a sword. Jon steps in to defend Sam, and later forms a pact with the other boys to protect him, much to the dismay of their now flaccid master-at-arms. Jon had taken Donal and Benjen’s advice to heart: Sam may be fat and pathetic, but he is still a member of the watch, and one of the few black brothers who isn't a rapist or thief.* At the end of the chapter, Jon wonders where his missing uncle went. My guess would be Benjen is busy helping Waymar reanimate dead wildlings. 

* out of context, this sounds ridiculously racist 
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The big tournament brings many knights and whores to King's Landing. With them comes crime, conflict, and an appealing array of new smells. But it’s not all wasted money, as the Super Bowl-like atmosphere stimulates not only the whores but the entire economy of the city. Eddard doesn't like tourneys or brothels -- he would much rather execute deserters or stand solemnly in the cold. Maybe King Bob should reconsider his choice for the Hand position, because Ned isn't doing so well. Here’s a list of job titles, can you guess the ones that are well-suited for Eddard Stark? 1) High school principal, 2) prison warden, 3) late night talk show host, 4) pimp, 5) Hand of the King.

Eddard is investigating Jon Arryn’s death, which leads him to a blacksmith’s apprentice named Gendry. Eddard discovers that this boy is King Bob’s bastard son. “Gentry” means highborn or aristocrat, and while Martin probably chuckled at the wordplay, even Robert wouldn’t be so stupid when naming his secret kid. So Lord Arryn was about to discover and probably reveal that King Bob wasn’t faithful to Cersei, and the Lannisters whacked him before he could? Eddard’s thick, manly eyebrows furrow as he attempts to parse through all the mystery and political intrigue.

23 comments:

  1. FINALLY A NEW POST :P Love your blog man. I started rereading the series to follow alog with your blog but im almost done with book one now lol.
    I wouldnt think this would be a spoiler but hey. After the tourney is when the series gets good. I dont know if its the writing or things really pick up or what. I always struggle reading the beginning its so generic and cliche. But holy shit it gets really great.

    Frognuts

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  2. Hahaha, Randyll Tarly is the Chuck Norris of Westeros. True story.

    Loving the updates. Keep 'em coming!

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  3. Ah haha, still skewering poor Ned there are you? Was the answer talk show host?

    I was so eager to finally get into the mystery around Jon Arryn's death, the discovery of Gendry was very exciting for me. Not that I had any clue if it was really important, but at least the investigation was progressing, and Ned had something to do other than scowl.

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  4. Eddard Stark would be a badass pimp.

    :)

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  5. I'm somewhat surprised that you connect Gendry to gentry, but regardless, I am interested if your perspectve will change before then end of the book.

    Do you plan on doing a summary post after you finish AGOT?

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  6. I will make wild passionate love to anyone who kills the Randyll Tarly = Chuck Norris meme once and for all. What's it gonna be, hot sex or Chuck Norris!

    Yeah, I think I know the answer already.

    Ned would make a great prison warden, but high school authority is best suited to a certain prematurely balding man you have yet to meet.

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  7. Given the info on King Bob (and Cersei) in previous Ned chapters, the fact that King Bob is unfaithful and has a bastard does not come as a big chock.

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  8. Ah, now I get it. See, I pronounce Gendry with a hard 'g', so I never thought of Gendry - gentry.

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  9. Ghentry is what would make it a hard 'g', isn't it?

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  10. "... a blacksmith’s apprentice named Gendry ... “Gentry” means highborn or aristocrat, and while Martin probably chuckled at the wordplay, even Robert wouldn’t be so stupid when naming his secret kid."

    A fair point, though I don't recall the term "gentry" being used in the story. Maybe I'm just blanking. Have you seen it in your reading. If not, maybe keep an eye out, see if it's used anywhere.

    I wouldn't put it past Robert to be that dumb, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. ;-)

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  11. What did you think about the tourney entree's Jason?

    Andhaira

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  12. Hey! I just found a link to this blog on the Westeros board. I have to say, your comentary is great. I can't wait for more :D

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  13. StarktheWolf,

    You mean like 'get'?

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  14. G is for
    Gay or goofy

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  15. Yeah, like get.

    And Daniel: gentry was not used in the book, but Gendry is one word off. Gentry basically means aristocratic and Gendry is a destitute bastard boy with no family. That's where the word play comes in - it's a juxtaposition of two things by switching one letter in the word.

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  16. It's not the dad that does the bastard-naming, though, is it? Wasn't there that whore who wanted to name her baby after its father's House, and the father said she was stupid for doing that, and the father's friend said HE was stupid for thinking that a early/mid-teens whore would be smart about something like that?

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  17. Doesn't matter who names the baby; it's still a play on words because, literally, the author named him, not the character. Know what I mean?

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  18. Anonymous because I don't expect to post here often enough to bother with making an account. Usually the silent speaker on message boards.)

    I just want to stick up for Ned here a minute. He knows perfectly well that he's about as well-suited to be the Hand as he is to be a mad scientist. I think he's already thought as much in parts you've already read, no? He's doing it anyway, as a special favor to his bestest friend in the whole wide world who coincidentally could in theory have him executed for insubordination if he refused. Or threaten to name one of the few people who would actually be worse at it (yes, they exist) just to guilt Ned into keeping the post.

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  19. @StarkTheWolf:

    I was actually referring to this quote from the blog entry: "...even Robert wouldn’t be so stupid when naming his secret kid." Id est, in-universe, it probably wasn't Robert who named the kid.

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  20. Oh ok, my bad. I misunderstood what you were directing it towards. :)

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  21. Nice to see Randyll Tarly as #1 on the power ranking.

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  22. Just discovered this blog. Excellent stuff. You're inspiring me to reread the series along with you.

    P.S. I'd bet your hits are going to grow pretty crazy as the months go by. You should think about putting up some google ads.

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  23. "...he would much rather execute deserters or stand solemnly in the cold."

    "Eddard’s thick, manly eyebrows furrow..."

    You're hilarious. (-:

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