Dany is busy eating a horse heart, because if she doesn't, her fetus will be born weak, deformed, or (GASP) female. She manages to finish the entire heart and keeps it down, much to the satisfaction of the Dothraki crones. They proclaim that her kid will be the "the stallion that mounts the world." Dany will be so proud, since not everyone's son gets to be a gigantic horse that humps planet earth. She names him Rhaego, a cross between her brother Rhaegar and her husband Drogo. Rhaego is the Dothraki version of Darth Vader, destined to fulfill some crazy prophecy.
While this is going on, Viserys is frequenting the local markets, getting wasted on wine. He finally shows up at the ceremony, but he's drunk and carrying a sword. It's forbidden to have steel in Vaes Dothrak, so obviously Viserys built a time machine and returned with a plastic sword, because nobody would be so stupid as to directly defy the law of a vicious, war-centered race who wouldn't hesitate at all to kill an annoying beggar king. Viserys then draws the sword, waves it around, and threatens Dany's kid. Yes, the same kid who the Dothraki see as their future planet humping, prophecy fulfilling, Darth man-horse. This is obviously not a smart thing to do, but Viserys was never the smartest of men. In response, Drogo calmly kills him by pouring molten metal over his head. Finally, douche Viserys gets whats coming to him, and Dany severs the last binding tie to her old way of life.
____________________
Robert is dying, gored by a boar during his hunting trip. This is far too convenient timing, and I subscribe to the Varys-hinted theory that the Lannisters were behind it. Before Bob dies, he names Eddard protector of the realm, very similar to what that old emperor did in Gladiator. Eddard doesn't want the throne, and that's why "it must be him." King Bob's decision isn't going to sit well with the Lannisters, and Ned will probably be enslaved and forced to fight in the Colosseum for the amusement of the King's Landing mob. Then he'll reveal his identity as Eddard Stark, Warden of the North, Lord of Winterfell, Hand of the King, loyal servant to the true King, Robert Baratheon; father to a crippled son, husband to a boring wife, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
On his deathbed, Robert makes Eddard promise to take care of his children. Ned can't bring himself to tell Bob the truth about his kids, so he silently thinks of all of Robert's true children, scattered around the realm. Can you imagine Catelyn's face when Eddard brings back ten more bastards to take care of, even if they aren't his?
Eddard plans to crown King Bob's eldest brother Stannis, beacuse Joffrey isn't his true heir. Robert's younger brother Renly offers his help to grab power by capturing Cersei's kids, but that is too dishonorable for Eddard. Let me repeat that: it's too dishonorable to temporarily capture the kids of a woman who not only has kids with her brother but also attempts to kill crippled, comatose children. Littlefinger suggests a different plan, recommending that they make peace with the Lannisters, bide their time, and reveal the incest later on. Eddard can't stomach playing nice with the Lannisters, because they killed Jory and tried to kill Bran. However, Eddard isn't stupid: he knows he needs more swords than he has, so he arranges with Littlefinger to purchase the City Watch's support, just in case.
Nice to see you make good on your word for more frequent updates :)
ReplyDeletesigh.... Ned is his own worst enemy
ReplyDeleteNed and Littlefinger against the world, the odd couple of justice, chalk and cheese saving Westeros from the evil Lannisters
ReplyDeleteThe entire scene with Drogo 'crowning' the beggar king was one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteThe description of Rhaego was amazing. You have to love the stupidity of Viserys, as well. Being stupid is really the only thing that he seems to be really good at. That and dying gruesomely, that is
ReplyDeleteLOL @ the Gladiator speech reference: "father to a crippled son, husband to a boring wife..."
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
I always felt really sorry for Viserys, myself. Yes, he was a dick, but seriously, *molten gold*?
ReplyDeleteDothraki are assholes.
Have to agree with 'Anonymous' above me. Most of me (by far) was all "Oh yeah, Viserys finally got what was coming to him, that little shit". But there's definitely a part of me that thought "Death by molten gold over the head - DAMN that's sadistic". Horrible way to go, even for one of the most pissy and annoying characters in the series. Dothraki ARE assholes.
ReplyDeleteThat's a real world reference - Parthians executed Crassus (one of Caesar's rivals and the richest man in Rome at the time) in a similar fashion (they poured molten gold in his mouth)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed Daenerys almost complete lack of emotion to watching her husband murder her brother. Yes he was a dick and ocassionally fondled her breasts but you would of expected a little bit up distress!! Daenerys is awesome!! :D
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for your reactions to future chapters!! :D
And the real game begins.
ReplyDeleteThe board is almost set...
ReplyDelete"husband to a boring wife..." LITERALLY lol on that one.
I thought Viserys' death was one of the coolest of the series, right up there with "Only Cat".
ReplyDeleteKevin
Eddard is not stupid? Haha
ReplyDeleteThe book really picks up at this point. I'm so excited for the blogger getting to read this for the first time and I'm sooo glad comments are still being screened for him. Not because anyone is being intentionally spoilery, but because it's so interesting to see his reactions and know how things go even if he does not.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read Game in thirteen years, but the "crowning" of Viserys has vividly stuck with me all that time. I didn't realize it was a reference to Crassus, but that certainly explains the great line in the movie Spartacus, when after Spartacus is crucified, Crassus tells Caesar he fears him more than Spartacus.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've never seen the Dothraki as assholes. Rather I see them as a totally distinct and separate culture from Westeros, who don't think or act like the people of Westeros, and if you come to live with them, you'd better be on your toes. ALL THE TIME.
I also loved the blogger's Gladiator reference. Too funny.
Roland of Gilead
I always thought that the main reason Ned rejected a pact with Renly was because he felt that Stannis was the heir. Rely was planning to grab power for himself right? Or was that not made clear at the time?
ReplyDeleteI think Ned instinctively dislikes people who are too cavalier - it was an obvious sticking point in his friendship with Robert, and probably why he had a disinclination to align himself with Renly.
ReplyDeleteI disagree AnonyKim, the reason he turned Renly down was because it was dishonorable, not because of Renly's attitude.
ReplyDeleteI didn't read Renly as the type to lead so I simply thought he wanted to survive until his older, tougher brother showed up
ReplyDeleteI think Ned fines cavalier attitudes inherently dishonorable.
ReplyDeletecavalier attitudes such as giving all your children giant wolves as pets?
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't cavalier, that was badass. BIG difference.
ReplyDeleteHah, oh wow, the gladiator reference was gold! Great update as always!
ReplyDeleteRenly's offer was perhaps a little cavalier in the sense that it seemingly made too light of shedding blood and kidnapping and so implicitly threatening innocent children to take control of the kingdom and keep Cersei in check.
ReplyDeleteThis sort of intrigue was inherently distasteful to Ned, not least perhaps because he remembers the fate of Rhaegar's children.
While this somewhat visceral reaction wasn't political opportune and perhaps even foolish under the circumstances, one may grant Ned that he amended his initial reaction by seeking Littefinger's help.
This way he would at least not start any eventual bloodshed or threaten children but would still be prepared if Cersei were to fight rather than flee. A compromise between what Ned felt was honorable and what was necessary and his duty.
Dothraki are apparently masters of poetic justice.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't think there was anything mentioned about Renly wanting to grab power for himself or even Eddard suspecting as much.
Just to be clear, I don't necessarily think that Ned thought Renly's offer was cavalier - I think his opinion of Renly's character in general is that of a young, arrogant and cavalier fellow, and he is therefore disinclined to trust him, or agree to align himself with Renly. I think that his judgement of Renly's character is such that he would be unwilling to team up with him even if he thinks Renly might be right.
ReplyDeleteNed's biggest character flaw is his unwavering dedication to honor. He won't compromise his own honor, even when doing so is the smart, or even 'right' thing to do. "Honorable" and "right" are not necessarily the same thing, and I even believe Ned knows that, and still chooses "honor" over "right" or "smart".
Ned may not have cared overly much for Renly's personality but I didn't really get the sense that he declined Renly's offer because he didn't trust or didn't want to align himself with him.
ReplyDeleteNote that Ned aligned himself with Littlefinger whom he didn't care for either and that he was hypothetically willing to allign himself with Renly when he later considered Cersei's superior numbers.
My reading was that Ned simply objected to the plan itself, on account of it being dishonorable in his judgement. I didn't get the sense that Ned thought Renly's offer was "right" either. While Ned was smart enough to see that Renly was right that he had to protect himself against Cersei, it wasn't necessary or right in his mind to make the first strike. It was enough to protect himself by buying overwhelming force to his side.
One might debate if Ned letting Littlefinger do the necessary and "right" but dishonorable work of buying Slynt was a case of Ned being too stuck on his honor though.
Why you all have to spoil him with the fact Viserys was killed? Sheesh, I thought this guy didn't wanted any spoilers.
ReplyDeleteAnd that comment with "only Cat" quote really takes the cake - you've gone and spoiled one of the most awesome moments of the series. Way to go!
Except, not. :|
you are hilarious. this blog makes the wait for DwD so much more bearable
ReplyDeletefather to a crippled son,...
ReplyDeletethat was superb. too good. please resume blogging.