Monday, September 14, 2009

Catelyn • Daenerys

Catelyn seems to be keeping it together quite well despite Ned's death. She has a few words with her father, who inquires about Lysa and her uncle Blackfish. Why isn't Cat grieving more? Maybe she knows that she's free now to reunite with the love of her life and taker of her virginity: Littlefinger. They must have called him Petyr the Pimp, because he was organizing threesomes with highborn daughters when he was barely pubescent.

Robb and his bannermen have different ideas about what to do now that Renly crowned himself. Several of his men want to march and fight immediately, but the scared Frey guy wants to give Jaime back to Tywin and hug it out with the Lannisters. If I was that Karstark guy, I'd have beheaded that pussy Frey right there. Catelyn also argues for peace, but did she really think that these badass vikings would suddenly want to negotiate with GREGOR or Tywin just days after their sons died fighting them? Cat's "peace" is just another bad idea in a long, sad history of bad Cat ideas.

Fortunately, another solution presents itself. The northern lords are all proud guys. They don't like being subservient and they don't like taking orders, especially from a young boy. But winning battles is like miracle tonic -- it cures pride, ambition, and even dead sons. Much like the BCS, one simply cannot can't argue with an undefeated record. Everyone decides to collectively hop onto the giant, snowballing, wolf-shaped bandwagon that is Robb Stark. They all yell "The King in the North!" really enthusiastically, except Maege Mormont, who due to senility yells "The King of Winter!" Aw, nice try Maege, almost. Thus the North and Riverlands declare their independence, which is basically a gigantic "fuck you" to every single southern house, especially the Lannisters. But are the wussy southern knights really going to come up north and forcibly take the frozen tundra back? Maybe GREGOR will, but the rest of those pussies? I doubt it.
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I was waiting for Dany's chapters to intersect more than just tangentially with the main storyline, and it never happened. Now we're at the last chapter, and I'm still not sure what the point of this whole ordeal was. Dany has learned some tough life lessons from the Princess School of Grim Realities (other students: Sansa). She is finally making decisions for herself, rebuffing Jorah's suggestion that they run away to Asshair (basically perv Jorah's attempt at kidnapping her). Don't get into his pedo van, Dany! Walk away! Ultimately, it all seems for nothing, because Dany has gone insane. She's prepping for a huge, ritualistic Drogo funeral pyre. Well, at least MMD gets what's coming to her.

While the fire rages on, Dany decides to walk through it with her dragon eggs. Once she started to do this it was pretty clear what was going to happen. She wanted a dragon omlette, with extra Khal and a side order of naked princess and a slab of well done evil sorceress steak. Instead, she "gives birth" to three living, breathing dragons -- one white, one black, and one hispanic. It's on now -- the dragons are back, and their owner is pissed. The Seven Kingdoms are so fucked.

28 comments:

  1. Yeah, the next book picks up the action. You're gonna enjoy it.

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  2. SPOILER

    He may think that no pussy southern lord will go north of the neck, but wait till he see's the Ironborn, they are the true vikings :D

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  3. Great stuff. I can't wait for your overall impression of the first book. (I assume you'll do a summary post?)

    Not quite a spoiler: GRRM originally intended A Song of Ice and Fire to be a trilogy, then extended the series to seven books. So some complain (ala Robert Jordan) that he's drawing it out unnecessarily. I personally think it allows us into the heads of more and more interesting characters, so when the eventual climax hits, we're invested even more. His writing gets better with each book.

    A Clash of Kings is very interesting, excellently written, but it does its most important job by setting up the atom bombs that go off in A Storm of Swords.

    Keep going, for the love of Rhllor!

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  4. I am hoping for a summary post as well. I thought the last scene, with Dany and the Dragons was very powerful and evoked some great imagary. I thought exactly the same thing: Dragons are back and there's hell to pay!

    Jen

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  5. LOVED this post. One black, one white, one hispanic -- hah! Personally, I'd take "King of Winter" over North any day, but that's just me. Epic chapters, too.

    Can't wait for your summary and then your Clash of Kings posts. Excellent work so far!

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  6. Nice. Now on to book 2 ...

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  7. Maege Mormont is seriously hard core, she's definitely NOT senile. I'd take the Mormont chicks in my army over this whiney Freys any day.

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  8. Wasn't the series actually supposed to be 6 books, with a 5 year gap between the first and last three? I can't see AFoIaF being 3 books...

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  9. Apparently the first book was going to take us all the way through the red wedding originally.

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  10. SPOILERish:

    God. Remembering book 1 and the exhilaration I felt finishing it... Urgh. I can't believe he can write characters that just kill me. His characters suffer so much.

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  11. I recommend savoring the prologue to Clash of Kings (book 2). It's one of the most beautifully written chapters in the entire series, in my opinion, and one of my favorites. Every time I want to give up on Martin, I just reread that chapter.

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  12. Ye, I always thought of the Ironborn as the Viking-esque inhabitants of Westeros, not the Stark Bannermen.

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  13. bring on stannis, the coolest guy in westeros

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  14. Stannis? The coolest. You have got to be joking. The Blackfish is obviously much cooler.

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  15. When talking about the coolest guys in Westeros, you can't forget about the Red Viper

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  16. I hope Jason makes it to A Storm of Swords. It's such an amazing book and I'd love to read his comments about it. With how his blog posts are slowing down though, it makes me worried that he's becoming bored with the series already, and IMO A Clash of Kings is the worst in the series. Thus, I fear that he won't make it to A Storm of Swords. Time will tell, I guess.

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  17. I'd pick A Clash of Kings over A Game of Thrones any day. AGoT is the weakest book in my opinion, which only means the other books are EVEN better.

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  18. ASoS > AGOT > ACoK > AFFC iyam

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  19. Yeah, most Southerners don't much care for the North, but it's a pride and prestige issue. As in that land is our kingdom's, and no one is taking it from us. Not to mention the Riverlands, they will fight tooth and nail for that. It is one of the most fertile and plentiful regions in the realm. Also, if you want to get an idea of how bad a war can get there, look at the maps GRRM provides in the books. Look at the natural defenses and features of the Riverlands.

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  20. I agree that ACOK was the weakest of the books. It was more of a transition book, in my opinion, broadening the story. I loved ASOS and though I didn't care as much for AFFC on my first read, upon re-reading it, I put it up there with ASOS.

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  21. The Seven Kingdoms are fucked? Because of three baby dragons?

    Maybe...but three baby dragons vs GREGOR? I'd pay a dollar to see that.

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  22. Great stuff. I assume you're going to keep reading the series. I hope you do.

    Now I'm demanding a summary of your thoughts of book 1!

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  23. Go on Jason, read and write faster, i love this Blog.

    There is a ton of badasses in the next books you gonna love!!!

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  24. over/under on the number of blog readers who got the BCS reference is at 3.

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  25. edj - I noticed the BCS reference and honestly after reading the series it's much funnier then even Jason realizes.

    I think Robb should join a bigger conference, the North teams just don't get any love.

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  26. Please keep writting.
    GREGOR the coolest guy in Westeros!
    eheheh

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  27. ASOS > ACOK > AGOT > AFFC. Mind you, even my least favorite is a fantastic book, and it becomes better on rereads, which seems to be the general consensus on that one. I think there are so many details that are easy to miss on a first read, that one doesn't realize just how much is really going on and how important much of it is. It also has what I think is the single best chapter in the series, "Cat of the Canals;" I also love the Cersei chapters, just amazing stuff.

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