Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Tyrion • Eddard

The "sky cells" are probably the most horrifying yet awesome thing about the Eyrie. Instead of a prison wall, it has an open 600 foot drop with a slightly slanted floor. and the floor is slightly slanted -- feel free to escape. I love how Martin uses language, culture, and land features to greatly distinguish each geographical area in Westeros. The Vale is straight out of the 1960's: their motto is "high as honor," their bastards are stoners, and everything about their castles, from the vertigo-inducing journey to the wall-less cells, makes the entire ordeal seem like one gigantic acid trip. This includes the breast milk chugging sickly child lord and the fat, illiterate jailer named Mord, who I desperately wish had his own POV. "Not give angry dwarf-man beans today. Tomorrow, also not give beans."

Tyrion isn't the most humble prisoner, and his sharp tongue provokes Lysa into throwing him in a sky cell. Tyrion gets out by faking a confession and instead demanding a trial. Unfortunately, crazy little Robert Arryn is the judge, which means nine times out of ten, people are chucked out the moon door regardless of guilt or innocence. But Tyrion has one last trick up his sleeve, demanding trial by combat. Apparently, TBC means you or your champion fights one-on-one with someone, and your fate is decided based on the results of the fight. It doesn't matter whether you committed the crime or how many people saw you do it. Does this mean that GREGOR basically can never be found guilty of a crime? If he gets accused of anything, he can just demand trial by combat, kill one guy, and he's free? Does it really work this way? Murder someone? Trial by combat. Rob a bank? Trial by combat. Parking ticket? Trial by combat. It's essentially a perpetual, personalized get GREGOR out of jail free card.

When Tyrion requests TBC, Lysa and her knights laugh, because he's the anti-GREGOR: small, clever, and non-threatening. Despite Tyrion's vast battle experience consisting of somersaulting off roofs, fork dueling master-at-arms, and axing mountain clansmen, he clearly is no match for one of Lysa's knights. Tyrion may not even be fit to fight, having eaten nothing for the past few days due to Mord's bean dumping. Lysa believes she has him cornered because his first choice champion is miles away in King's Landing, doing more important things like Hand-crippling and sister-screwing. However, Tyrion's new BFF Bronn steps up to be his champion.

Eddard is comatose due to his broken leg, and dreams about his past rescue of Lyanna. I'm sure it's a nice dream and these characters are all very compelling, but I just want to know what happens in King's Landing after Jaime jumped Eddard outside the brothel. After the fight, Jaime fled the city, and everyone now knows that Catelyn captured Tyrion. Cersei is insulted that the Starks would dare arrest a Lannister, even though she and Jaime are responsible for pushing Bran out a window and subsequently sending an assassin to kill him. How dare Eddard "attack" Jaime while returning "drunk from a brothel." Getting wasted and violently attacking a rival house does not sound like an ordinary Eddard Stark Wednesday night. Much like the Arya-Joffrey incident, it is very clear who is telling the truth.

Cersei continues ranting about Robert's his bromance with Eddard, suggesting that Bob should be the one wearing skirts. She might actually be right, as a skirt would be more comfortable for fat guy who outgrew his armor. Instead of taking her fashion advice, Bob snaps and backhands her across the face. Applying Cersei's own logic, how dare she attack his hand with her face? Eddard reiterates his desire to quit, but Robert commands him to stay as Hand. Why does Bob insist Eddard be Hand if he never listens to his advice? Still, the position has its perks -- you get front row tickets to Robert "honoring" Cersei.


  1. Can't say I ever associated the Vale with the 1960s before.

    Ironically enough, the Rescue of Lyanna is one event I wish there was *more* information on. But yes, at that time the events in KL are quite pressing.

  2. "Applying Cersei's own logic, how dare she attack his hand with her face?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, RIGHT? God, Cersei's so infuriating. It just chokes me up.

  3. Could any future flamewars on this blog be resolved by trial by combat please. Just be good enough to let us know the result!

    J/K Well things are heating up in the vale and in kings Landing who will the winners be and who will be the losers?

    I loved the description of the sky cells in the Eyrie and I've always wondered if GRRM dreamed up the idea himself or has it been done somewhere, sometime in antiquity? I personally find the thought of self-defenestration very unnerving.

  4. It's not really defenestration as there's no window. >.>

  5. STW right you are... but since there are windows in the sky cells the word is correct.

    But please, PLEASE!!! no more english lessons, please. Before you respond and argue over something like this, stop and think. Suggestion: comment on the blog or the book rather than my choice of words.

  6. Ah, my bad. If there are windows, I'm totally wrong. And I don't know why you think I'd start a flame war; I haven't as of yet. :P

    I was just being a smartass and trying to keep the mood light.

    Once again, my bad. I thought it was just an open cell with no windows.

  7. No sweat bro, sometimes lighthearted comments seem a bit more harsh than they are when written down I guess.

    I'm all for keeping the mood light and on topic

    Peace out

  8. "Applying Cersei's own logic, how dare she attack his hand with her face?" that was absolutely fantastic, I nearly wet myself... xD

    Maybe if more people had "honored" Cersei more often, she wouldn't be the spoiled, intrigant and arrogant bitch she is.

  9. Have no idea what 'defenestration' means but it sure sounds nice! Maybe i'll google it in a minute! :D

    Bronn is mr cool. He makes me want to be a sellsword! Although not sure there's a market for it in England! :(

    Still enjoying your blog and the flame wars that sometimes follow! Eager for you to get to the later chapters...

  10. ..... Defenestration is the act of throwing someone or something out of a window.

    Why is there a word for this?? lol

  11. Defenestration means being pushed out of a window.

    Yes, apparently this happens often enough for there to be an actually word for it.

  12. You get front row tickets to Robert "honoring" Cersei. Out of context, that sounds like one of the most wrong lines you ever uttered, haha.

  13. By the way, the idea of trial by combat is that the gods will make the guilty person lose. Of course, the "guilty" person usually winds up being the one who can't fight, but that's what you get when your overclass is obsessed with fighting skills.

  14. Just a suggestion, I'd pay a bit more attention to any instances of the following:

    Fevered ramblings
    Wardrobe descriptions
    Banners, family colors, mottos, etc

    GRRM hasn't lost the reins yet, meaning at this point everything he writes is important.

  15. is it just me or did the sky cell feel as if it was being written by terry pratchet for some reason, just some of the thoughts that tyrion had i guess, like about being free to leave at any time
    or maybe i just made that up. lol

  16. You might want to google the infamous "Defenestration of Prague", it was one of the incidents leading up to the Thirty Years War in Europe. If I remember my history rightly, the person being defenestrated survived because he landed in horse shit!

  17. Yeah, he did, and it started the Bohemian phase of the war. The guy was a staunch Catholic in an area full of die-hard Protestants. Good stuff. >.>

    He actually landed in "manure", not "shit". :P

  18. There is a superhero called The Defenestrator in the series Section 8. He carries around a small section of wall with a window in it wherever he goes so he can throw criminals through it - 'cause that's just how he rolls, I guess.

    I'm trying to figure out if Bran was technically defenestrated by Jaime or not - he was outside the window when Jaime caught him, but then Jaime lifted him up and set him on the window sill for a minute before chucking him to the ground. Since Bran was probably not 100% inside the room at the point of his chucking, I think we can maybe say this was a 'partial defenestration.'

  19. I stand corrected - it was indeed horse manure!

  20. for some time now has seen Bronn as one of the guys in red and black
    Incidentally, did not know the acronym BFF(english is not my first language) until I googled it. From the setting I guessed best was for the B, and friend for the last F, For the middle F my initial guess was wrong..

    Thoros of Myr

  21. "doing more important things like Hand-crippling"


  22. "Tomorrow, also not give beans." Hilarious!

    Also, good point about GREGOR's perpetual get-out-of-jail-free card. I wonder what would happen if he actually started milking that cow.

    And are there really windows in the sky cells? I don’t recall that at all ...

  23. It doesn't matter if there are windows in the room, you have to go out the window in order for it to be a defenestration.

    It's from the latin 'fenestra', which means window.

    In Tyrion's case, the sky cell's opening is more like a door, so going out it would be more a 'deportation'.


  24. Is Gregor highborn enough to demand a trial by combat?

  25. If a hedge knight like Dunk can demand a trial by combat, it's safe to assume that a landed knight like Gregor also has that right.

  26. I don't want to spread spoilers here for The Dunk & Egg stories, but Dunk didn't demand trial by combat in that story. Let's just leave it at that since Jason is new to the stories of Westeros.

  27. If you want to quibble about details, Dunk was advised that he had the right to trial by combat and he received one. Regardless of the details, it remains true that any knight in Westeros can demand a trial by combat.

  28. I half wish I had never used the 'D' word in the first place. Door, window, opening or otherwise, I am however glad that some have found some entertainment from the debate.

    Kim perhaps you can give it a name such as "The Defenestration Deliberation" or something similar. Or perhaps we should just throw the whole topic out the window and be done with it.

  29. "Or perhaps we should just throw the whole topic out the window and be done with it."

    haha, funny....

  30. I think we could use a definitive dissertation that provides elucidation regarding defenestration! :)

  31. Enjoyable, including the comments, as usual. I had to read that "hand-crippling" comment twice.

    You are going to come back and read that Ned chapter numerous times before you are done with this series.

  32. your power ranking is HI-larious. MVP LeBronn. Classic!

  33. It was defenestration because there are many limericks that simply don't work without the word fitting in.

    The Winterfell defenestration
    Led to crying and much consternation.
    "The whelp was a spy,"
    Jaime wanted to cry
    But the Starks offered no consolation.

  34. That dream is severely important.


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