Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Arya • Eddard

Syrio told Arya to chase cats all day. This seems like very obvious foreshadowing, so maybe Catelyn gets kidnapped in the mountains and Arya has to find her. Arya had just caught the Moby Dick of cats, the infamous black tom, when she suddenly sees Prince Tommen and Princess Myrcella having sex. Before Arya could hide, Myrcella spots her. Tommen says “the things I do for love” and pushes Arya out the window. Somewhere in the distance, a wolf was howling. Crows circled the Red Keep, waiting for corn.

Myrcella, Tommen, and their guards, being typical pompous highborn assholes, mistake Arya for a beggar and collectively look down on her. Arya panics and escapes via waterdancing, but quickly gets lost in the castle. This allows her to overhear a conversation between two mysterious men, with topics ranging from Dany being pregnant to the possible assassination of her father. One of the men is Varys, because he talks about obtaining fifty more magical CIA surveillance birds. I have no idea about the other guy, but he is also familiar with King’s Landing politics. From the names they mentioned in the conversation, the other guy cannot be Eddard, Stannis, Lysa, Loras, Littlefinger, Tyrion, Tywin, or Jaime. I believe this guy is the mastermind in the game of thrones. Everyone else is just a pawn. Based on exhaustive analysis, I have concluded that this man is GREGOR.

Eventually Arya finds her way back but Eddard does not believe her story, even though Arya doesn't seem like the type to just lie and make stuff up. In other words, she’s not Sansa. Listen to your wise and awesome daughter, you stupid Hand.
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Jorah the mole reports that Dany married The Rock and is pregnant with Rhaegar 2.0. Führer Bob has a final solution to the Targaryen problem, but Eddard protests because he feels squeamish about killing children. Even though Eddard admirably champions his principles, when it comes to the Targaryens, Robert is as difficult to budge ideologically as he is physically. Bob has a point, because letting Dany and her son live would be taking a stupid, unnecessary risk. The council agrees and begins discussing possible assassination methods. Robert doesn't want to poison her, because it would be too cowardly. So there exists some sort of courage scale in King Bob's head where "poisoning" ranks lower than "killing the unborn child of a teenage girl."

Child murder proves to be the deal breaker for Eddard, who resigns his position as Hand. The bromance between Ned and Bob is over. Eddard came south, picked up the pieces to a huge, confusing puzzle, and failed miserably at putting it together. Now, he's finally free. The Starks are headed back north, where they will arrive at Winterfell happy and rested. Eddard will discover that Catelyn and Jon have also returned, and have grown to love each other like only a mother and an illegitimate bastard son of a nother woman can. There's no violence or fighting. It's just one big happy family reunion.

Clash of Kings and Storm of Swords are just very, very misleading titles.

53 comments:

  1. Good Post.

    And yeah, the next titles are misleading. A Clash of Kings is about an epic chess tournament and A Storm of Swords is about a hurricane that lifts the Iron Throne out of the throne room and rains swords all over King's Landing. Oh yeah, Spoiler Alert.

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  2. I think this was your funniest yet. Keep working on who that guy with Varys was, it should be deducible with the info you already have.

    It's also quite sweet that you're already making up fantasy happy endings. Yeah, hold your breath on that one.

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  3. "...when she suddenly sees Prince Tommen and Princess Myrcella having sex. Before Arya could hide, Myrcella spots her. Tommen says “the things I do for love” and pushes Arya out the window. Somewhere in the distance, a wolf was howling. Crows circled the Red Keep, waiting for corn."

    I should not have been drinking when I read that, 'cause I almost choked. XD

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  4. Knight of winterJune 10, 2009 at 9:49 PM

    I always found it amusing that Robert was unrelenting when it came to stompin' Targs... even kid Targs and unborn Targs, yet he finds the the use of poison distasteful!

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  5. You know, that's the GREGOR-side of Robert, King Robert doesn't poison... KING ROBERT SMASH and then KING ROBERT EAT, DRINK and WHORE.

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  6. Why does everything have to foreshadow something? It doesn't. I was asked to take out the garbage today. What could that possibly mean? Keep in mind things like that don't work in real life, so why would it happen in these books. I also agree with anonykim, keep an open mind.

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  7. AnonyKim, I don't think it is deducible. I had to look it up, eventually. Jason: his description (particularly ample girth and parted beard) matches that of the rich guy that was sheltering Daenerys back at the start of the book. How Martin expected anyone to remember that guy is beyond me. Not really a spoiler, since if you had perfect recall, you'd now.

    Hope that helps,

    Grey Wolf

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  8. You realise Grey Wolf, that you just proved it is deducible. Your bad memory is your own.

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  9. this blog is awesome!

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  10. "Führer Bob has a final solution to the Targaryen problem"

    Inherently unfunny.

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  11. Anonymous: no, I do not consider it deducible. The "clues" are ridiculously few, the distance between apearances too long and more a bonus for the second read-through than something a first-time reader is supposed to catch. Same with the identity of John's mother (beyond "some woman", that is). The clues are all there in the books, ready to be "deduced", but not in the first read-through. Under such circunstances, it stretches the definition of deducible past its breaking point.

    Grey Wolf

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  12. @GreyWolf: I tend to agree that there are too few clues too far apart to put ALL of the pieces together on the first read through. However, I had opposite conclusions from the blogger on my first read through of this chapter way back when. I recognized Illyrio (sp?) but actually couldn't put the pieces together on Varys, primarily due to Arya's description about scars on his face. The words pointed to Varys, so I made some assumptions, but I was still skeptical. Looking back, I kind of feel like I just wasn't paying enough attention, but I think it's pretty difficult to make ANY certain assumptions about what Martin writes in this series.

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  13. I caught Illyrio and Varys as well. Dunno, you've got mysterious conspirators in a sooper sekrit dungeon, and you're NOT going to try figuring 'em out?

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  14. Actually, I think it's deducible because the descriptions are repeated practically word for word. I'm pretty sure this is the first time GRRM uses that trick, but it isn't the last, and once you learn it, it is a pretty handy tool to have. But since all the information was there for the having, the reader only needing to make the effort to find it, I'd say it is deducible. As in, it's not like there is info vital to discovering this man's identity that hasn't already been provided.

    He COULD figure it out. As a human who can read, he has all the skills necessary. Therefore, deducible.

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  15. Grey Wolf, the clues provided are ample enough to deduce the identities of both people. I guess if you read this chapter after a few months break of having read the previous chapters you might be a bit lost, but thats not really the authors fault then is it?

    Andhaira

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  16. *grin* Any moment now he'll be reading the bit that GOT me... Only a chapter or so to go :)

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  17. This is pretty irrelevant but I feel like pointing it out: what you're doing isn't deducting reasoning, it's just guess work/being a detective.

    Deductive is general statement ---> specific statement ---> general conclusion.

    All men are mortal
    I am a man
    Therefore I am mortal

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  18. While I would argue that in this case, "the truth of the conclusion is purported to follow necessarily or be a logical consequence of the premises and (consequently) its corresponding conditional is a necessary truth", the premises being the character descriptions we already have, Anonymous English teacher can have his/her way.

    The identity of Varys pal is totally figure-outable.

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  19. Knight Of WinterJune 11, 2009 at 3:25 PM

    General Statement: Characters can be identified by their description
    Specific Statement: Two different character descriptions are almost identical.
    General Conclusion: The two different descriptions apply to the same character.

    Therefore through DEDUCTIVE REASONING I can conclude that Varys' co conspiritor is a certain character from earlier chapters.

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  20. "Geneal Conclusion: THE SAME DESCRIPTION APPLY TO TWO DIFERENT CHARACTERS"

    The Quiet Wolf

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  21. Oh my god I'm in English class hell.

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  22. Grey Wolf: We still don't know for sure who Jon's mother is, anyway. Yes, there are some interesting clues and well-reasoned theories, but the issue is open for debate.

    Although, I'd love to see what Jason thinks about it once he's a bit further into the series. He's fairly perceptive, and I would not be *that* surprised if he came up with The Theory on his own.

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  23. Greywolf/others - I'm still going for the whole "he didn't realize who it was yet so telling him makes it a spoiler and you, Greywolf, since you mentioned it first, a bit of an ass" Good job. Figure-outable or not, he hadn't yet.

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  24. Well hey now, all I did was tell him he COULD figure it out, I didn't drop the I bomb. Don't go calling me a spoil-er.

    Thanks though slyhell, for pimping 'figure-outable'.

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  25. Wait - it's a spoiler to point out that that the dude conspiring with Varys was Illyrio now? That's something of a contradiction - if one didn't immediately recognize a morbidly obese man with a forked yellow beard who moves with an uncanny grace, then the name "Illyrio" isn't really going to mean much to that person anyway. It's not like it's some kind of mystery that's begging for a later reveal, nor is it some king of unexpected development to learn that the dude that was - y'know - sheltering Dany at the start of the series is plotting on the Targaryen side.

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  26. AnonyKim . . . wow, how did I do that?June 13, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    Jeez, if only it were possible to identify all these anonymous people, then we might have a hope in hell of keeping track of who said what. I wonder if there is a way . . .

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  27. wow anonykim, youre so funny. why dont you get drunk and get laid at a party instead of being the lonely fat girl with pigtails from 2nd grade providing her opinion on a book to the internet?

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  28. How do I get pigtails from second grade? Don't my pigtails have to be from the same grade I am?

    Besides, if I got drunk at a party, it might be YOU I end up having sex with, and then I'd have to tear my own uterus out with my bare hands to guarantee there was no chance you'd be reproducing. And that's just messy.

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  29. in other words "no guy wants me so ill just whore myself out to the internet. i usually masturbate to the book scenes anyway. its more satisfying than a real guy. or maybe thats what i think because thats what i keep telling myself because ill never really have a chance with a real guy. not even one whos drunk 11 shots and 27 beers."

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  30. Not so anonyKim after allJune 13, 2009 at 5:50 PM

    Yup, that's exactly what I meant.

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  31. i know you did. go kill yourself now, fatty. choke yourself on a twinky. its probably your ideal way of going.

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  32. If commenting on a blog on a book on the internet makes AnonyKim a lonely fat nerd, then what does that make the guy who goes around insulting people on blogs on books on the internet?

    In other words, leave her alone you stupid prick.

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  33. What an asshole! Are you that fucking low you have to resort to getting your kicks by putting down women on the internet? I posted back in number 8, and im pretty disgusted by what you wrote. You pretty much come across as scum, and im just sorry people like kim have to put up with bullshit from cretins likes of you.

    pat

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  34. wahhhh, look at me, im trying to look good in front of kim so i can get some cyberz later. maybe shell even give me her home address so we can jerk off to the book scenes together in an intimate bonding session. wahhhh.

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  35. by the way pat, whyd you leave your name after what you said? you think i give a shit who you are? you think anyone does? "insert random words here, signed pat" fuck you jerkoff, youre not cool for telling us your first name. no ones gonna remember it. no one you know in real life probably remembers it. i bet your adoptive parents celebrate your birthday on the wrong day and you just havent figured it out yet (neither have they).

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  36. Wow, talk about a bitter person. Ive never seen someone read into something so much just so they could turn it into an insult. Many people sign their name, sometimes they forget, simple. This is unbelievably sad.

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  37. kinda like you talking to yourself. stop voicing your thoughts. no one cares. people sign their name because they think it actually means something. no one gives a shit who they are so they should stop signing their names. if im unbelievably sad, what does that make you? i mean youre here thinking this is a spectator sport looking on. get the fuck outta here. no one wants you here. no ones gonna miss you. go home.

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  38. Is there any way to get people who post as Anonymous banned? because this idiot really needs to go?

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  39. why? cant handle me making fun of you because you know its true? but yeah, just so you know, youre anonymous too, sped.

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  40. Jason, can we get some moderation here? I guess Blogger doesn't let the blog owner edit comments, but I know for a fact that you can delete. Having that trash on your post is demeaning to everybody involved.

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  41. In response to the Anonymouse who posted above my previous post:

    Blog owners CAN disable anonymous commenting. Not so sure about what that does to stuff that's already been posted, but it prevents future anonynastiness.

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  42. Ah, but is that for a specific anonymous (maybe decided by IRl, i wouldn't know) or for all anonymous's? Not that I would object to having to make a username, but it would be preferable.
    Thanks.

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  43. Just got caught up with your blog today. It's so much fun to see an ASoIaF virgin's first impressions about the book. Can't wait for the rest of your blog posts!

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  44. Knight Of WinterJune 14, 2009 at 3:27 PM

    Some sort of moderation is needed for the above flamewar and to discourage similar such rubbish in the future.

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  45. What I was talking about is for all anonymous comments, unfortunately. There may actually be a featuer to IP-block, but if there is, I don't know about it.

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  46. It may be that Jason is steering clear of comments to avoid spoilers, which I think is a good idea.

    Failing moderation, the best way to make these idiots go away is by ignoring them. Responding just encourages them to continue with their disruptive posts.

    Kohl

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  47. I like diruptive comments. they are funny.. ha ha ha.

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  48. This coming from "I need a zanax Kohl" Wasn't that you who was fighting with someone else in earlier post's? Ha Ha to funny hipocrit

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  49. If by fighting you mean rationally arguing my points without resorting to childish name-calling (admittedly the difference is quite subtle and appears to have eluded you), yes, that was me.

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