Friday, January 22, 2010

Starting Clash of Kings

I've started reading Clash of Kings. I was going to wait until summer, but instead decided to start now. Since I'm in school, the pace will be very slow. Very, very slow. Like Fat Sam running a marathon slow or Sansa taking the SAT slow. I may die of old age before I write the last entry. Don't worry though, if that happens, I'll have Brandon Sanderson finish the blog for me. That way you'll get three more blog entries and my blog gets triple the hits. Everybody wins.

It's been three months since I read the last book, and I had to study the appendix for quite a while to re-familiarize myself with some of the more minor characters. Here's my all-knowing, Varys-esque summary of the major POVs.
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Bran watched Jaime and Cersei have sex, got pushed out a window, and now can't walk. He has weird dreams and is boring. He has a wolf named "Summer." I know that's a girl's name, but the wolf is a dude and not girly at all.

Catelyn arrested Tyrion for attempting to whack Bran, which started a chain of events that ended in her husband's death. She's hanging out with her son Robb, the newly crowned "King of the North."

Daenerys was formerly a princess but was sold to The Rock in exchange for a large army. She lost her warlord husband and unborn son to dark magic, but managed to hatch some dragons.

Eddard went south to help his buddy Bob rule the kingdom, but due to his low political IQ, he failed miserably. He confessed to all these crimes he didn't commit... and got beheaded anyway.

Jon is the bastard author of the most popular emo blog in Westeros. He's at the Wall, adopting fat lordlings and protecting the realm from the magical dudes from the prologue.

Arya was training to be a Jedi but had to flee the castle when her father got arrested. She's on her way north with Yoren.

Tyrion narrowly escaped execution in the Vale. Now that his brother Jaime is captured, his father Tywin sent him to King's Landing to rule. Tyrion brings his whore, because that's how he rolls.

Sansa is the only Stark left in King's Landing. She's regularly abused by Joffrey and she doesn't escape because she's basically useless. The Hound has a crush on her, kind of like Beauty and the Beast. Only the Beast is a tall murderer with a burned face and Beauty is a vapid preteen.
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Warning: spoilers for Game of Thrones above. My first post with the Clash of Kings prologue and first chapter will come soon.

20 comments:

  1. Yes! Good to see you're back at it! You're posts are a great way to relive reading these books for the first time.

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  2. Great to see that this blog is waking from the death. I loved to hate all the snarky comments and opinions the poster had while reading GoT! :P

    The GoT part of blog was great to read. Hope that CoK keeps up with the expectations...

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  3. It's good to have you back. I look forward to some new entries!

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  4. great news.

    "Tyrion brings his whore, because that's how he rolls." - Made me laugh.

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  5. The post of the author is really interesting and is of a real content. This is really funny and it makes a lot of people laugh a lot.

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  6. Gld you started posted again. I'm looking forward to 'em! :)

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  7. I´m so happy!
    Can´t wait to see the new entries!

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  8. You are fat! And you smell!
    Your CoK is going to be a big disappointment.
    You did too good of a job with AGOT!

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  9. The character descriptions were gold! I particularly liked the Beauty and the Beast reference. I'm assuming you are aware that George Martin was the scriptwriter for that show.

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  10. I'm just happy you spell the names correctly, really.

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  11. Yes, man!
    I was waiting for this moment and I am re-reading ACOK myself, so double bonus!
    Now I will have something to expect when I reload this page, yay!

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  12. Great to see that you are back. I'm looking forward to your comments!

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  13. So happy you're back. For us fans who have digested almost (never all) of what the books have to say, the chance to relive the virgin experience is a blast. It's great to see someone's thoughts on their first read-through.

    Plus, your posts are frickin' hilarious. You've got not just a good sense of humor, but a good sense of comedic language and timing as well. Continue to develop that - it will serve you (and those of us who read your posts) well.

    Onward and upward, with Clash of the Kings!

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  14. Excellent! Loved your GOT blog, looking forward to seeing what you make of ACOK.

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  15. YES!! Love this blog; been waiting for more.

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  16. SWEET! Enjoy the book Jason!

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Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog. I love feedback and comments, but please keep them spoiler-free. Enjoy!