Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sansa • Eddard

Sansa is puzzled that her father sent the "too old" 22-year-old Beric Dondarrion instead of Loras to deal with GREGOR, explaining to her friend Jeyne that Eddard's injured leg was probably impairing his decision making. No you stupid girl, the reason he didn't send Loras was because GREGOR would absolutely destroy pretty boy. Sansa needs to learn that in a fairy tale, the hero may slay the monster and marry the princess, but in real life, being eight feet tall, angry, and ridiculously strong easily trumps magical flower powers. In addition, Sansa still has no idea that pedo Littlefinger is only nice to her because he wants to proxy-fuck Catelyn by getting into Cat's daughter's pants.

Amazingly, Sansa is still in love with Joffrey, conveniently forgetting that his family executed her pet, attempted to assassinate her brother, and killed several of her household guard after severely wounding her father. She reasons that it wouldn't be fair to blame Joffrey for something his uncle Jaime did, because that would be like "blaming Sansa for Arya's actions," conveniently ignoring that Cersei did exactly this a few chapters ago. Sansa gets into yet another argument with Arya about Mycah's death, prompting Arya to nail her in the face with an orange, adding yet another badass skill (throwing accuracy +10 points) to Arya's growing list of badass skills. Unable to cope with Arya's awesomeness, Sansa retreats to her room, where Eddard informs his daughters that they will be sent back to Winterfell. The two girls finally agree on something: they love King's Landing, albeit for vastly different reasons. Sansa is in full fledged teen freak out mode now that she won't be marrying Joffrey, her dreams of being queen crumbling right before her eyes.
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I feel pretty stupid that I didn't see that Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen were products of incest. In retrospect it seems so obvious. George mentioned hair color a dozen times and kept calling them "lions," but the most obvious clue was that they all acted like prissy, pretentious jerks. Now that Eddard knows the big secret that the previous Hand died for, he just needs to wait until Robert gets back to smash some Lannisters. Instead, Eddard decides that it's a good idea to tell Cersei that he knows her secret. Since there's no poison lying around and no window to push Eddard through, Cersei admits to the whole thing. We also learn that Robert and Cersei don't have the healthiest of marriages. They barely ever have sex, and in the rare instances they do, Bob is always drunk. Once, he even called Cersei "Lyanna" in bed (hahahaha).

Cersei then busts out her version of the Godfather offer: don't tell anyone and I'll have sex with you. Eddard's response:

Eddard says, "Did you make the same offer to Jon Arryn?"
She slapped him.
"I shall wear that as a badge of honor," Ned said dryly.
Somewhere in the King's Landing, the sun is shining bright; the knights are jousting somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, and somewhere wolves are howling, and the treasury is broke; but there's shock in the godswood -- Eddard Stark has cracked a joke.

Cersei doesn't think it's funny, and hits Ned below the belt, making fun of his bastard son. If I had three kids with my brother, I'd probably refrain from making fun of the pedigree of other peoples' kids. Also, if I was Hand and I found out the secret that got the previous Hand killed, I wouldn't warn the person that did the killing.

31 comments:

  1. Don't feel bad, I didn't see it either. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.

    George does give lots of obvious clues, but "the seed is strong" is probably the most obscure.

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  2. Is it a spoiler to say that Loras is way more badass than the guy Ned did send after Gregor?

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  3. It can't be a spoiler because it is not true! Beric is totally more badass than Loras!

    Oh and Jason, welcome to the ultimate facepalm moment. Ned, head idiot Stark.

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  4. Yeah, saying Loras is more bad-ass than beric is pretty much like saying Justin Timberlake is more badass than Jack Bauer.

    Great post! The plot is starting to thicken at last eh?

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  5. Ned should have shagged her and then told on her anyways :)

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  6. A Stark/Lannister coupling would've made a bad ass kid.

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  7. Are you kidding, a Stark/Lannister kid would be the most annoying pain in the ass. He'd break every damn rule there was, and then confess and apologize profusely, only to do it again.

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  8. Your mix of humor and analysis are great, don't change a thing. I'd like to see a few more lines of where you think the story is going. Martin was the first author I've read to pretty much ignore all the usual storybook plots where I felt I could predict everything that was going to happen. I'd like to see where you think some of the plots are going to go. (kinda dumb though, saying don't change a thing, then asking you to add more to the mix) Anyways, great blog.

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  9. If Beric was so badass, how come he got you-know-what six times? Loras, meanwhile, gets praised by the likes of Jaime himself.

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  10. You people are just prejudiced against Loras because he's good looking and stereotypically gay.

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  11. I don't know--if he were stereotypically gay, he'd probably prance around with floppy wrists, a heavy lisp, and a quick "Triple Z Snap" every time Renly made a quip...

    Still. Beric gets pretty badass, pretty quick. :D

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  12. If I recall Loras almost got choped in half by GREGOR once already. If your looking for a super-hero fag then you are reading the wrong book.(s)lol

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  13. HAHAHAH MAGICAL FLOWER POWERS INDEED. Damn, I love all the smack Loras gets.

    And I happen to think this Ned chapter's one of the best chapters in this book, one of my absolute favorites. Got a nice little chill when Cersei said the game of thrones line too. And it happening in the godswood was badass. Ned & Cersei showdown! About time all the crap came to head.

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  14. Loras had to cheat to beat GREGOR in the tourney, and doesn't he say himself that his brother is more badass than he is? Ned may be an idiot, but he isn't stupid. He knows the difference between a shiny tourney knight and someone who can get the job done.

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  15. *trying my best to avoid spoilers*

    AnonyKim: By that logic, Loras may actually be the better choice. He was smart enough to cheat in order to beat GREGOR in the tourney, perhaps because he knew that his magical flower powers weren't enough to defeat GREGOR.

    As for Beric D., those who;ve read further on should have a better picture of what type of a knight he is, and why things happened the way they did.

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  16. Interesting - your tone is changing as you're getting deeper into story. Obviously, you're Stark loyalist and getting more and more frustrated on the way. As a result your post are less and less humorous. I think I reacted in a same way.
    You're in for a ride!

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  17. Actually, I personally find this entry one of the most hilarious to date. Flower power, hitting below the belt, Arya's awesomeness, Lyanna (hahahahaha), Ned cracking some semblance of a joke, and Cersei's pretentious brood. Well-balanced and very funny. Proxy-fuck lol! It really is so funny how he's got Littlefinger read like a pervy little book.

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  18. Your posts continue to make me LOL. Awesome!

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  19. In re: to one of the Anonymites -

    I have actually noticed that most readers start out as Stark fans, and I personally think that the first book is really written that way intentionally. GRRM definitely wanted his readers to be pro-Stark and anti-Lannister, with a split on Tyrion, at least at the start.

    Oh, and cheating in a tourney isn't badass, other Anonymite. It's kind of a pussy move, imo. It's just a freakin' tourney afterall, and it did less to make him look like a great competitor and more to make him look like a sneaky bastard who embarassed GREGOR. Loras is lucky GREGOR isn't feasting on his liver right now. Lucky thing there was raping and pillaging to be done in the Riverlands.

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  20. hmmm i've heard a number of people ask the question 'why the hell did ned tell cersei he was on to her???'. on the face of it, it makes absolutely no sense. but if i remember correctly, he does it at least partly because he belives that if robert finds out whilst the lannisters are in kings landing, he will kill them. this owuld certainly not be an out of character reaction from someone who only a few chapters before demanded that dany and her unborn born baby be assassinated. the real tragedy in neds character is that he always wants to believe the best in everyone, even where there is considerable evidence to the contrary: thus here he belives that cersei will do the right thing, because he would have done the same in her shoes. there is no doubt that ned is extemly naive for thinking this way, however his intentions are good and he wants his conscience to be clean. he knows that he must tell robert, yet this would involve harm coming to the children (who are completely innocent of any wrongdoing in this regard), and so telling cersei is an attempt to 'have his cake and eat it too', so to speak.
    btw, the way grrm has ned discover the truth about the lannister kids is brilliant: subtly foreshadowed, believable, and yet blindingly obvious at the same time! :P

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  21. Just wanted to say I love this blog. It's like reliving my initial reading, when I didn't even suspect the way things might turn out. Count me in as having a *facepalm* moment when the reality of the incest was revealed. Just one of the many *facepalm* moments, as well as *ohshitdidthatreallyhappen!!!!* moments that make this series one of my all-time favorites. Enjoy the virgin read - you'll never have it again.

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  22. Great Post, "If I had three kids with my brother, I'd probably refrain from making fun of the pedigree of other peoples' kids"! lol

    I must say that i was pulled the same way, getting more and more angry at the Lanisters treatment of the Starks. But, apart from Jofrey the Lanisters are actually brilliant characters once you give up on your Stark loyaltys!

    Personally, the most interesting characters for me throughout are Daenerys! The rise of her character is a real page turner for me and the Stark chapters (except Ayra) are slightly dull.

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  23. Nice Casey At The Bat reference.

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  24. I agree with Benny, in that Daenerys is my all-time favorite female character, any genre. Her rise from a helpless pawn is continuously fascinating to me.

    I also think there is no question that GRRM deliberately allies the readers with the Starks at first and against the Lannisters, and then subtly deepens characters and shifts allegiances for us to see that nothing is black and white, just as it wasn't black and white in the War of Roses between York and Lancaster that this series is very loosely based on.

    And count me in as another embarrassed reader who didn't catch the incest children. It's been a long time now since I read Game (since 1996), but my recollection is that since Cersei was blond, it was certainly possible that all three children took after her genes, so I just assumed that poor Robert wasn't lucky enough to have a kid look like him. Duh!!!

    Roland of Gilead

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  25. @ Roland of Gilead and the many Anonymous people who didn't see the incest coming

    About the kids taking after Cersei in their blondness, GRRM was really dropping a lot of hints. "The seed is strong" wasn't the most direct way of putting things I agree, but if you think about it, it's well-known blond is a recessive gene so if King Bob has black hair, the kids are surely not going to have the fair curls which OMG both Cersei & Jaime have. Not to mention the visit that Ned makes to all the bastards who are said to have black hair and blue eyes, just like King Bob (Barra, Gendry etc), this fact opposes itself once again to Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen's green eyes. Oh yeah and this is all apart from the openly written about fact that Cersei and Jaime do not have a normal brother-sister relationship and that they sleep together.

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  26. Can we please please PLEASE not start talking about genetics again? Pretty please?

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  27. Great Blog.
    So far one of the best entries you've had so far. Keep up the good work, you are in for one hell of a ride.

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  28. Yes, I'm not sure why it's necessary to further grind it into their faces that they didn't catch it.

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  29. Ned should have sent Loras after GREGOR. Think about it, he is a son of one of the great lords of the realm. No way he or his father would say anything negative after Loras asked for it and it could be considered an honor. Now if he dies against GREGOR, well then said powerful lord will be mighty ticked about it. He will demand GREGOR's head and will either get it, or become a nasty enemy to the Lannisters. Send Loras and the job will get done, or he gains a powerful ally against the Lannisters. It's win-win.

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  30. Sorry, in my defense, I have to mention genetics again. Although it's certainly not as likely that these kids could have ended up blonde, it's certainly possible. It's even possible for two black-haired parents to have blonde children, if they both carry the recessive genes for blondeness and these genes happen to hook up.

    Greatly simplifying, but it was probably a one in four chance for each of those children to end up blonde with Cersei as a blonde parent.

    Was I dense not to catch it? Yes. Was I a total moron because the children being blonde was not scientifically possible? No.

    Roland of Gilead

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  31. Anonymous two comments up, really good point about sending Loras. It totally would have been the smartest decision to send him. Unfortunately for Ned, he doesn't think that way. I'm sure he thinks it would be dishonourable to send a child to be killed by a monster in order to possibly gain an alliance.

    Roland, don't forget genetic mutation!

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