Monday, July 6, 2009

Tyrion • Eddard

Tyrion and Bronn attempt to sneak by all the mountain clansmen that harassed them on their way into the Vale. From their banter you can tell there’s no genuine love between these two, who travel beside one another for necessity and mutual benefit. Tyrion lets Bronn know that the Lannisters are a bottomless pit of gold, and will always match the price of anyone trying out-bid them. This also explains the reason why Tyrion paid Mord even though he hated him: to show Bronn that Lannisters are good for whatever debt is owed. Tyrion doesn’t want Bronn to have any doubts about getting paid when they reach wherever they are going.

However, despite the quid-pro-quo atmosphere, the two do bond a little. Tyrion tells Bronn about his first love, a story that puts Sam Tarly’s childhood to shame. His father Lord Tywin had a whore pretend to fall for Tyrion to teach him a lesson, and makes him watch as an entire barracks of soldiers screw her. Tywin then makes Tyrion do her one last time, which gains his son closure, newfound wisdom, and a dozen STDs. It was a good deal for his fake whore wife though, as she probably made out like a bandit. Martin can check off "gang bangs" and "virgin dwarf sex" in his list of deviant sexual practices that appear in this series. I am half scared and half curious as to what’s next on that list.

Tyrion decides not to hide from the mountain clans, lighting up a fire and openly roasting a goat. Sure enough, the mountain clansmen arrive and seem ready to kill them. But Tyrion makes an offer to their Scandinavian chief Gunthor: allow them safe passage, and Tyrion will give them the Vale of Arryn. I wonder how he plans to do that, given the imPREGnable defenses. Maybe Tyrion will buy it from Lysa?

Eddard sits on the throne, listening to the village folk’s tales of brutal attacks by well-equipped brigands. They identify GREGOR as the leader, ordered by the Lannisters to terrorize the Riverlands villagers. A bunch of Lords and Sers that I do not recognize are pissed about this, and Eddard appeases them by sending an army of knights to deal with it. What can they really do though? Can’t GREGOR just demand trial by combat? Who would fight him? Loras tries to be a badass by volunteering for the job, but Eddard denies him, probably for his own good. Eddard really should have sent Loras, because you never know when a jousting tournament or a trial-by-jousting could break out.

This chapter is disappointing because nothing really happens. All the men of action like King Bob and Jaime are out of the city, leaving wet blanket Eddard to sit on the throne. Boring!


  1. I'm a long-time fan of the series and have enjoyed reading your blog. I did like the Bronn-Tyrion interactions. They have some great dialogues.

  2. When he talks about the vale of Arryn I believe he's talking about the area around the mountain not the castle,the Eyrie, on top of the mountain.

  3. It is so fascinating what you focus on and what you find boring.

  4. Every time I read this blog I want to re-reread these books lol

  5. Jap Phoenix you are right - and well I started them all over last month. But right now I am again reading A Storm of Swords. I hope he is writing this blog to the bitter end =D

  6. You're a little off on Tyrion's whore explanation.

    It wasn't Tywin's idea.
    Tyrion tells Bronn that Jaime set up the whole thing. He didn't know, then married her. Once Tywin found out about it he had Jaime break the news to Tyrion, and then ordered the gang bang to teach his son a lesson about marrying whores, and teach the whore a lesson about marrying Lannisters.

    It was Jaime's idea, which is why Tyrion loves his brother so much.

  7. I really do enjoy reading this blog. However, there seems to be always comments that try to 'explain' what the blogger apparently misunderstood. Despite the blogger's appeal to keep our comments spoiler-free.

    Half the fun of this series IMO comes from getting things wrong/semi-wrong in our first attempt to find out what happens next asap, and then finding out what actually happened when we re-read it for the nth time.

  8. I think there's a fine line between spoiling a future scene and explaining a scene the blogger may have misinterpreted. I don't think anyone, at least on this particular chapter, crossed that line.

    Also, and I may be wrong, but the blogger's light tone and overall impression of this series, leads me to believe he has very little intention of doing multiple re-readings of the series. He does not seem "obsessed" at all, and certainly not when it comes to racing through to learn what happens next.

    Roland of Gilead

  9. Eddard is awesome.
    And it's been so long between this post and the last one! I hope you don't keep us in too much suspense. Seeing as though the next book in the series is taking so long to come out I've been reading your blogs to keep me interested.

  10. I thought it was cool to see Eddard finally exercise some regal power. And since he already sentenced GREGOR to death, I doubt GREGOR demanding trial by combat of his hundred or so executioners would be very effective.

  11. I love Ned! :) He is a stronghold in this crumbling world. Tywin though... one scary mofo.

    Re: comments above concerning Jason's pace/interest, when I was 16 I blazed through this series. The dude is 25. There is plenty that actually needs doing at that age that has no significant bearing on interest. I'm actually enjoying the leisurely 2-POV entries. It's novel, and I'm all for delayed intermittent gratification. ;)

  12. I wasn't "spoiling" anything.
    I was clarifying the chapter, explaining it as it was written.
    I wouldn't normally even do that except in this case it makes Tywin look like a bigger jerk then he really is — if that's possible.

    I would never spoil anything in these books for a new reader.

    With that said. I liked Ned's chapter, it finally showed Ned using his power to do more than visit Whore Houses.

  13. Justin: Dude I don't want to argue with you but Jamie didn't come up with this plan all by himself like you are suggesting, and it wasn't Jamie's idea to do that to his brother, Tywin told Jamie what to do after he found out about Tyrion's marraige. Tywin told Jamie that little Tyrion needed a lesson so Jamie done what his father asked.

  14. To the anonymous above. You are factually right canon wise. But that would be spoiling.

    At the time of this chapter Tyrion (and thus the reader) thinks Jamie set stuff up and Tywin harsly brought stuff down again.
    The truth of the matter is only revealed at the end of aSoS.

  15. Anonymous, you're an idiot.

    Jaime and Tyrion were out and about. Some bandits come out, trying to rob a woman. Jaime chases them. Tyrion falls in love. They get a drunken septon to marry them. Tywin find out and has an entire barracks bang her. Then Jaime breaks the news that he set the whole thing up, and she was really a Maiden Whore. - so the gang bang couldn't have been fun, but the pay is good.

    Tyrion explains to Bronn that Jaime did a kind thing for him setting it all up, but he hates Tywin for what he did.

    That's how the chapter goes.

  16. No Im sorry Justin but you are the fucking Idiot
    and here is one of your idiot quotes:(I wasn't "spoiling" anything(sniff,sniff)I was clarifying the chapter, explaining it as it was written(in other words I love to be bent over and taken from behind) I wouldn't normally even do that except in this case it makes Tywin look like a bigger jerk then he really is(I hate to break it to you but Tywin is a JERK and a cold hearted bastard) So Justin what part of "I DO NOT WANT TO ARGUE WITH YOU" did you not understand, what nobody is allowed to have a opinion but you on that chapter? I think you are just a wanna be flamming fairy who just can't keep his mouth shut when behind a comp screen. I have a feeling it's real easy for you to call people idiots when your not face to face with them, thats ok one of these days you will talk shit to the wrong crazy mother fucker and they just might track your ass through your little comp. BTW Kees you are right I did not think of it that way. See Justin there is a way to tell some one something and to make a point without calling names.

  17. Well you people could just go back and look at the part of the book being referred to.

    "First he made my brother tell me the truth. The girl was a whore, you see. Jaime arranged the whole affair, the road, the outlaws, all of it. He thought it was time I had a woman. He paid double for a maiden, knowing it would be my first time."


Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog. I love feedback and comments, but please keep them spoiler-free. Enjoy!